Garden of Temptation Page 13

  “Or you could,” Aunt Charlotte says. “You don’t have to wait for your marching orders. You could decide what happens next.”

  “What do you mean? I have no money, no family here. Well, no close family. I hardly know your daughters. Everyone else is an even more distant relation. I don’t want to live on charity.”

  “You could find a position in service,” she says.

  “What? You think I should become a maid?” I ask, horrified, and then I’m horrified by my reaction. I glance around and am thankful no maids were around to hear me.

  “Worse things have happened,” Aunt Charlotte says. “But no. I was thinking more along the lines of a governess, or lady’s companion.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but then I realize it’s not a terrible idea. “Yes, yes, I think you might be onto something. I would have an income and room and board.”

  “It would not be ideal, but it would make you less dependent on your parents,” Aunt Charlotte says. “Completely independent if you wanted it.”

  “They would be furious,” I say. “They wanted me to be a duchess. To instead inform them that I have become a member of the working class might send them to an early grave.”

  “You make it sound so low. It’s perfectly respectable. And I am sure you could make a love match in time. With a butler perhaps…or even a gardener.”

  My face blushes hot. “Oh, Auntie. I’m not sure I could ever face Edison again. I was beastly to him. I told him he had better not dare propose to me.”

  “You did what?” she shrieks.

  I nod, not a little embarrassed. “He started to say something, and I really thought he might propose as his way of making things right. But then he said he wasn’t going to propose and I thought I was going to die right then and there.”

  Aunt Charlotte opens her mouth as if to chide me, but she stops herself. “It is rather clear to all those around you that the two of you have feelings for one another.”

  “I…I don’t know. Maybe I do. He’s nice and funny and hard-working and understands the importance of family. He’s reliable, dependable. He’s kind…so very kind.”

  “And handsome?” Aunt Charlotte offers. I blush again. “Is that why you didn’t give him the gardening position in the first place? Because you were attracted to him?”

  “I am ashamed to say it is true,” I admit. “But I have heard far too many tales of ladies being ruined through a dalliance with a servant. I didn’t want my reputation to come into question.”

  “Well, I think that ship has sailed,” Aunt Charlotte says. “He nearly attacked your suitor. He stopped your wedding. News like that will roar through society like a hurricane. No one will believe that his affections are one-sided.”

  I lean back in my seat, unable to hold myself up any longer. I hadn’t considered this. Even with my aunt to vouch for me, I would never find a peer to marry me now, even if my parents did agree to give me another chance.

  “Then what am I to do?”

  “Well, if you were to find a position, make your own way, perhaps you and Mr. Hawthorn could get to know one another better. See if what the two of you have might grow into love and a companionable marriage.”

  “I don’t see how that would be possible. Governess positions are hard to come by. I’d have to go wherever I find a placement. I’d probably never seen Edison again. He won’t leave Birchwood. He has to stay with his family.”

  “You could take up a companion position here,” she says.

  “Here? At Birchwood? But who would I—” I suddenly feel very stupid for not realizing what my aunt was talking about sooner. “You want me to stay on as your companion?”

  “Why not?” she asks. “You’ve already been filling that role for three years. Your parents have been paying me a stipend to let you stay here. A stipend I never needed in the first place. I would just start paying you instead. And you could keep your room. Everything would be settled.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask. “I wouldn’t want to be accused of taking advantage. You’ve already been so kind to me.”

  “The thought of you leaving has been plaguing my mind for some time. In truth, I was terrified that you were going to be swept off your feet in London and not come back.”

  “But you arranged for Edward to come here.”

  “Well, I couldn’t keep you from your destiny if you were meant for greater things. I had to show your parents that I was at least trying to help you. But now, if you would be open to the idea, I would be happy to keep you on, as a personal favor to me.”

  “It is still a rather terrifying letter to write,” I say. “Having to tell my parents that I was left at the altar, am not returning home, and am taking a position in service.”

  “Is it?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

  I can’t help but smile. “Actually, it sounds rather thrilling to write. To finally make a decision for myself. To have a future of my own.”

  “I think you have your answer, then,” Aunt Charlotte says. “I’ll have the housekeeper draw up a standard contract for employment. Keep everything on the up and up. Then I’ll have my solicitor come by. I’ll make arrangements for a small dowry, should you choose to marry. And I’ll leave you a tidy sum for when I pass. I wouldn’t want to see you left out in the cold.”

  “Oh, Auntie,” I say, so touched I’m nearly moved to tears again. “You are being so generous. Too generous!”

  “It would only be fair,” she says. “I’m hale and hearty and have no plans to shuffle off this mortal coil any time soon. After many years of service, it would be only right to make sure you are taken care of.”

  My words seem inadequate to how I feel. I throw my arms around her and hug her tight. “Thank you, Auntie. Thank you so much.”

  She pats my arm. “It’s my pleasure, darling. Now,” she says when we part, “there is one more thing you should do before you write that letter to your parents.”

  “What is that?”

  “Talk to Edison Hawthorn.”

  My heart thumps hard in my chest. “Oh, I’m so embarrassed—”

  “I know. But you must. Everything is different now. I’m not saying you have to marry the boy, but at least talk to him. He cares for you. You owe it to him—and yourself—to clear the air between you and see what happens next.”

  I blow out my cheeks and place my hand on my chest to stop my racing heart. “You are right, of course, as you always are. I’ll speak to him.”

  “Today.”

  “Golly. Today?”

  “Today.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I say. “Just give me a few minutes to prepare myself.”

  “Very well,” she says as she heaves herself up from the couch. “But don’t tarry lest your courage fail you. I’m off to speak to the housekeeper.”

  As she leaves, I stand and pace, wringing my hands together. I…I…I am so happy! I’m having many feelings, of course. Fear, trepidation, anxiety. But above all, I am happy. My aunt, my kind, generous, thoughtful aunt, has saved me! How I wish I could have confided in her sooner. So much heartache might have been avoided. Well, I cannot change the past—and my future is wide open.

  It is so wide, in fact, that there is more than enough room for Edison in it. I can’t say I love him. I hardly know him. But he is everything I would want in a husband. And now we are of the same social class. And with a position of my own, I wouldn’t be a burden to him or his family.

  No, no. I mustn’t get ahead of myself. I don’t know his true feelings for me, if he has any at all and is not merely gallant. But I will ask him. I will be honest about my own feelings and hope they are mirrored by his own. I have to hope he will at least ask to court me. Give us both time to find out if we really are right for each other.

  Oh, I must stop overthinking this! I go to the front door and grab my bonnet. It’s now or never.

  Chapter Twenty

  Edison

  “You can’t leave!” Mother says as I move around the room, collecti
ng my few items into a sack.

  “You’ll be fine,” I say. “At least better off than you were before. I’m not abandoning you. I’ll still send money.”

  “That’s not the same thing, and you know it,” she says. As she follows me back to the main room, her limp is hardly noticeable anymore, which is what makes it even more noticeable to me. The doctor has significantly improved her condition and lessened her pain. And that’s thanks to Violet Thompson.

  “I’m sure that Lady Birchwood will keep Emma on,” I say. “That’s one more kid out of the house and earning an income. You’re getting along better, so you need less help around here. Once I find a new position somewhere, I’ll start sending money back again. Everything will be fine.”

  “Just let him go, Mother,” William says, surly as always. “He never wanted to be here. It was only a matter of time before he ran off again.”

  I roll my eyes. The person who wanted me here the least is now mad at me for leaving. Or maybe I’m just proving why he didn’t have cause to like me much in the first place. He knew better than to get too close to me.

  “William, stop it,” Mother says. “Edison, this is foolishness. You have a good position here, and we need you. You’re building a life here for yourself. Don’t throw it all away for some snotty, rich girl who doesn’t care a fig about you.”

  “It’s not that,” I say. “I’m not leaving because of her. At least, not in the way you think. I stopped her marriage. I ruined her life. I’ll keep getting in her way if I stay here.”

  “Either way, you’re throwing your family over for that nitwit—”

  “You don’t know her! She’s not a—”

  “Edison!” little Grace calls from outside. “There’s someone here to see ya.”

  I pop outside, expecting it to be Vicar Woolsey or someone from the village. But I stop short when I see that it’s Violet Thompson herself. She’s wearing a shaky smile, her hair pinned up under her straw bonnet, and wearing a simple pale dress.

  “Oh, my lady,” I say. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

  “I’m sure,” she says, her eyes roving about. She notices the bag I’m carrying. “Goodness, I hope you aren’t leaving.”

  “That was my intention,” I say.

  “What? Now? Where are you going? Please don’t say it’s because of me!”

  “Of course it’s because of you!” my mother snaps. “You toyed with his heart, you did!”

  Violet takes a wounded step back, her eyes watering, a hand on her chest. “I never intended—”

  “Mother!” I say, gripping her arm. “Let me speak to Miss Thompson alone, please.”

  Mother sends a withering glare from me, to Violet, and back again. “Come along, children. I’ve got some business with Mrs. Woolsey.”

  Violet steps aside as Mother sweeps past her, my siblings in her wake. Once they are out of earshot, I look back to Violet, waiting for her to state her intention. Her face blushes and she tries not to meet my eyes.

  “I had a whole speech prepared,” she says. “But now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have come at all.”

  I had been a bit irritated at her showing up here, but I can’t help but soften toward her. I have no wish to hurt or embarrass her. I care about her too much for that.

  “Why are you here?” I ask.

  “I…I had just thought…meant to thank you, for what you did,” she says, surprising me. “It was for the best, of course. I was only shocked at the time. Afraid for the future. But I’m not afraid anymore.”

  “Oh?”

  She seems to regain a bit of her courage. “No. You see, I’ve found a way forward. Well, I should say, my Aunt Charlotte found me a way forward. She’s offered me a position.”

  “A position?” I ask with a chuckle. “You? You’re going into service? I can hardly credit it.”

  “I know,” she says. “I was surprised at first, and my parents will hate it. But my day-to-day life will change very little. She’s asked me to stay on as her companion.”

  “Companion?” At first this sounds odd, but then I remember one of the young ladies at my last position had a companion since there were no local girls her own age and it makes a bit more sense. “Oh, I see. I suppose she’d be a bit lonely in that big house all by herself.”

  “Exactly,” Violet says. “Her daughters are married and have their own homes and children to tend to. She sees them occasionally, but not as much as she would like. I daresay she’s gotten rather used to having me around and was loath to let me go. She’s going to pay me a salary. It’s all very official.”

  “And your parents…?”

  “Will probably disown me, I’m sure,” she says with an uncomfortable chuckle. “They will be more than a little furious. They will think it quite shameful to have a daughter in service. But since I’ll have a salary of my own, including room and board, I depend on their support anymore.”

  “You’re going to be an independent woman, then, are you?” I say.

  “It would seem so.”

  “Well, bully for you, Lady Violet.”

  The smile she had been wearing uncomfortably a moment ago now flees entirely. “I’m not a lady, Mr. Hawthorn. I never was, but I certainly am not now. You and I… Well, we are equals now, don’t you see?”

  I reach up and rub the back of my neck, a bit unsure of where she is going with this. “You and I are far from equals.”

  “I don’t think so,” she says. “I don’t see it that way.”

  I stare at her for a moment, and it is clear that she wants me to say something, ask something, but I don’t know what. She can’t possibly think that… What? That we could be together? Does she really?

  “You aren’t really leaving, are you?” she asks, her expression worried.

  “I…I am. I think I am. Sure I am. It’s for the best, I think.”

  “But why? You did nothing wrong. There’s no reason you can’t stay on.”

  “Don’t you see?” I say, incredulous. “Now that you’re staying, I absolutely can’t stay.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I can’t leave you alone,” I say. Her mouth gapes, not in surprise, exactly. More because she’s unsure how to respond.

  “Look,” I say, trying to explain, “I don’t know what it is about you, about us. At least, it’s not something that would be proper to put into words. But I…I care about you. A couple of months ago I didn’t know you from Adam, but I already care about you so much I’d do anything for you. I ruined your wedding. I brought my reputation, my honor, into question for you. It…It’s too dangerous if I stay on, don’t you see?”

  “Dangerous?” she whispers.

  “I can’t stay away from you,” I say. “I’ll just keep interfering in your life if I do. So, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to pack up and move on.”

  I expect this to be the end of it. I turn to go back into the house.

  “Stay,” she says. I’m almost afraid to turn around, to see the pleading look on her face. A look I fear I won’t be able to resist.

  “To what end?” I ask. When she doesn’t answer, I turn around and find her mere steps from me. She’s certainly quiet in her slippers. She’s so close, I can smell her perfume. I could reach out and grab her, pull her to me…

  “To court me,” she says.

  “Are you serious?” I ask, almost a whisper. I can’t believe what she is saying.

  She nods. “My aunt approves. And as I said, we are of equal standing now. Or at least close enough that it wouldn’t seem improper.”

  “You want me to…to court you? After everything I’ve done?”

  “Because of everything you’ve done,” she says, reaching down and taking my hand. My whole body breaks out in goose flesh. “You have proven yourself to be an honorable man. An honest man. A man who would always do what is best for me. And you’re a hard worker; I know you’d always take care of me. You put family first, which is always a top quality in a husband and father—”


  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say. “We’re having children, are we?” Her face goes bright red, but I laugh. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

  She giggles. “I have. I promise you, I have. I ask you to stay, to court me properly, not just on a whim. I…I care about you deeply, Edison. And I have probably for far longer than you realize.”

  “How long?” I ask.

  She hesitates, her mouth a thin line. She looks down at her feet. “Since the first time we met.”

  “What?” I ask, indeed surprised. “Are you serious? You can’t be serious. You didn’t even give me the job.”

  “Because I was—” She lowers her voice even though we are the only people around. “Because I was attracted to you even then. I was afraid of…of us getting too close. But then poor Mr. Anderson died and I can’t help but think that the universe was conspiring to bring us together.”

  I run my free hand over my chin. I didn’t want to admit it, but the first time we met, I felt something too. She was beautiful, yes, but it was more than that.

  Violet finally lets go of my hand and steps back. “I’m sorry. Have I overstepped the mark? Am I making a terrible fool of myself? When you say you care for me, do you mean strictly platonically? Or as a servant for his mistress? I’m so very, terribly sorry!”

  She starts to turn away, but I step forward and grab her hand, pulling her back to me. I tug her a bit more forcefully than I intended, pulling her to my chest, our faces mere inches away, my other hand on her back. She looks startled, but she doesn’t pull away. Neither of us speaks. I have no idea what to say. I decide to show her how I feel instead. I close my eyes and place my lips on hers. She stands there, startled for a moment, but then she leans into the kiss. I put my hand behind her head so I may kiss her harder, my fingers tangling in her golden curls. Sparks fly from the kiss down my back and all sense seems to leave me. I want this woman. I need her. She’s everything I ever dreamed of but didn’t think possible. I never thought I would ever be high enough class to have such a beautiful, educated, refined woman. And I suppose I still am not. She lowered herself to my class for me. Maybe not entirely for me, but she didn’t have to do it. She could have gone home. She could have asked for another chance. She could have sought out another fortune-seeking lord. But she didn’t. She wants me.